leave it for the birds

I've always been infatuated by birds. In fact I have one on me, but that's a secret.

Barn swallows, geese, red wings, sparrows, even pigeons, I'm a fan of them all. Something about them intrigues me. I could watch them for hours, they are almost as fascinating as watching people. One of the things I find most intoxicating about our flying companions is their freedom. All they need is a little flap of the wings and they are off to a new and better place. Watching them glide effortlessly through the sky lets my heart find the freedom it needs sometimes. I don't like being tied-down, but sometimes life calls for it. I'm still wildly protective of what little freedom I have left and will often turn the dogs out when I feel like someone or something is infringing on those freedoms.

I was told Monday that I probably won't be allowed to cross the border into Mexico. I held myself together, but after the meeting I threw some things and yelled some choice words and let my heart break. I don't know what it is but something is pulling me to that border. How can a program that is trying to tear down walls and bring people together give into this boundary thing? It just didn't make sense to me. In all reality is was probably because I don't like being told what to do. Regardless I convinced myself that they were just doing the business part of the church's job. They were trying to keep from being liable for any issues, but that is one part of the church that I hate.

I hate to say it (actually I don't) but I am so over the church. At least our human definition of the church. The building and everything that goes with it has lulled us into complacency. A lesson can be learned and applied so much easier when instead of just listening to a sermon, you are getting your hands dirty. Tithing is a lot easier to do when you know you are actually helping someone and not paying an electricity bill. And sharing the gospel is a lot more productive when someone sees Christ in you, rather than shoving him down their throat. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of these things are crucial to keep the church functioning, but what happened to the church in Acts where everyone shared what they had? Opened their homes, shared meals, served together, actively waited for the second-coming? That's the kind of church I live for and I feel pretty strongly that that church wouldn't feel the need to stay on only one side of the border...

*as a disclaimer...yes I know the risks and dangers that are happening in Mexico right now. I know it isn't safe. I'm not dumb. I'm just also, like those birds, not willing to be tied down and told where to go, or not go for that matter.