purgatory

Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the field so happy and free? If you've ever seen a one trick pony then you've seen me,
I come and stand at every door, Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before, Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor, Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?


I've never been very good at sitting still. I've always needed to be moving. Whether that be on to the next bigger thing, or walking the dog, or just finding something to do while watching t.v. It's not odd I don't think.

It's hard to explain to people why I feel so unsettled when I am by definition settled. Adjectives just don't do the feeling justice. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me, or chomping ice with super sensitive teeth. Grating.

Most people, when I explain my situation tell me how wonderful life must be. I have absolutely no deadlines, can sleep in all morning, stay our late or go to bed early. I have nothing to do, absolutely no reason to even get out of bed (don't worry, I am. I'm even showering everyday....impressive no?)

So why is it that I am absolutely miserable?

I'm being pulled in three directions but none are strong enough to make me move off the couch. What is my hesitation you ask? No idea. I've got the pros and cons list made for every single place and not a single one sticks out.

My adventures now consist of chasing geese with my dog, and finding long lost tennis balls in the river. Where will my new adventures take me, you ask?

.....as of now, nowhere.


These things that have comforted me, I drive away, This place that is my home I cannot stay, My only faith's in the broken bones and bruises I display

Wichita Day 7

Snapple "Real Fact" #762:
A duck has three eyelids

This is what my life has come to. Being blown away by the fact under the snapple lid. Wow.

words

Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?, You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone...


I was engaging in my one T.V. weakness tonight (it's one of those shows that it is so embarrassing that I'm not even going to disclose the name, i'll just say that it is produced by Morgan Freeman, which seems a little below him...)
The mother on the show is giving a teary expose on the failures of her family. Her speech is captioned, but I catch the Spanish that is peppered in with her English.

I'm in love with languages. Any language really. And culture. I would be perfectly content to spend the rest of my life people watching, and listening. I fell in love with the sing-songy portuguese language and recently i have always find a smile on my face when I'm speaking with someone who has learned english as their second language. I'm in love with how spanish always found its way back into the conversation. Most often the conversation would start in English and then seamlessly transition into spanish, which could explain the topic easier than the previous language.

My favorite, however was everyday conversations that were in english but every preposition was spanish. The 'pero' and 'luego' and 'entonces' somehow made the conversation deeper. It made it flow quicker and easier from one sentence to the next. It was like the periods and commas weren't needed, spanish prepositions were used instead. No need to translate them really, just let them fill the space between the english and do their job as spacers.

Maybe I don't realize these types of ploys that we use when speaking only english because I don't have to think about it, but when another language is involved, you are forced to think about each and every word. To mull each one over, taste it, see how it feels, and then move on to the next one.

Tasting words is the kind of thing i could do all day.


What do you want me to say?, That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?, Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?...