Friday, January 30, 2009

Oh Sarah

I promised my friend I would write this for her, but I wasn't planning on doing it with this post it just kind of morphed into something good... imagine that. 
I am profoundly affected by the sun. It is amazing to me what a beautiful sunset can do to my mood or how those little sunbeams that dance in your window in the morning can fill me with hope and promise. This week has had its ups and downs, but it is ending with one of the most beautiful sunsets I have seen in a while. The sun is slowly dipping behind the trees painting the sky with all sorts of oranges, reds, and yellows. It's visions like these that make me wish i had skill with a paintbrush. 

The sun I think has a lot to teach us. I'm feeling rather philosophical today, maybe it's because I can't process everything that has happened this week or maybe it's because I'm alone after hours of being around people. Either way this is what the sun has taught me. ..
The sun is always there. It is like a good friend, sometimes it goes away for a while, but you know that it is just right behind that cloud. With all the relationship changes I've experienced these past few months, I feel that you are my metaphorical sun. You may be out of my life for a little while, but when you poke your head out from behind that cloud (or I find you on skype) you brighten my day and allow me to get through the gloomy nasty days without you. 

Faithfulness and trust. I think this is what I am looking for in all of my relationships. The sun will always be there. I can count on you to always be there. I can trust that the sun will warm the earth (most days), give energy for the plants to grow, and light up even the roughest of days. Sarah, you can bring a smile to my face just thinking about you. You are my favorite and I miss laughing with you and being silly with you. 

So friend, thank you for being my ray of sunshine. You are beautiful and confident and wonderful. I miss you and am looking forward to our next chat!   

Friday, January 23, 2009

anger, frustration, exhaustion

Three wonderful feelings. Here's how they come into play in my life

1.) Anger - 
I have a pet peeve that has been growing since birth basically, thanks to the millions of guys out there. I am a smart girl and I have my own opinions, which I feel I have a right to voice. However in my many experiences and a rather recent one, I have not been allowed to have my own opinion. This is mainly because no matter what that opinion is, according to this person it is wrong. Maybe it's because I'm a girl, or that he is intimidated, or he just wants to cause some drama, who knows. Whatever the reason, it isn't a good one. So my stubborn self has to argue with him, which only makes the situation worse. So I've decided, no need to deal with this issue, I'll just ignore him. So the brooding anger has slipped in and made it's home. Luckily for me, this is a person that I need to relinquish certain feelings for so in the long run I think it is a win-win. 

2.) Frustration 
Science is dirty. It woos you with hope and excitement of making new discoveries and then slowly crushes you with intensive hours of work until it delivers it's death blow by yielding no results. Long story short, in the last three days Hannah and I have spent hours on hours (12 I think) preparing cells for analysis. We have obtained lousy results. Luckily for us we get to do it again (three times actually) Thank goodness it is only the end of the first week of classes

3.) Exhaustion
All this has led to the final feeling. Exhaustion. I figured there would be a little difficulty getting back into the swing of things, but this has been rather extreme. I was hoping to ease back into it, but the school year has come with a vengeance and it is a killer. 

So here's to another semester full of boys who stifle my opinions, science which kills my soul, and exhaustion which will take the rest of my life. Who doesn't love school?? 

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

enough already

This past year has thrown a lot of curveballs, especially when it comes to relationships.
I have seen relationships grow to new unexpected depths, while others become shallow and sometime even fade out altogether.

Currently I am fighting something stronger than I am. I wake up with a certain person on my mind, i think about them constantly throughout the day. Every stupid song on the radio triggers a cascade of memories, thoughts, and emotions, I go to bed making up scenarios and even dream about this person. I cannot stop thinking about them.

My heart will not let go.

I'm stuck.

I watched Love Actually the other day and was watching the part near the end where one character professes his love for a married Kiera Knightly. As he is walking away he says one simple word. It have become my new montra...


Now I just have to figure out how to follow this direction.