Friday, February 27, 2009

My man Freud

So I was hit the other day with some great philosophy, now don't get me wrong, I hate philosophy. I've never been able to understand why it matters how someone else thinks. See I'm very much into the concrete, real stuff, i've never gotten that when reading some theory of philosophy. That was until earlier this week. 

So my man Freud came up with the theory and basically it describes my life, read on.... 

So Freud says, I'm paraphrasing of course, that people desire love. When they find something they desire they want to own that, in a sense control that. They want to be the master, not only of that feeling, but of that person or thing, depending on what it is of course. So the problem we run into is when this thing, or person can't be controlled. So instead the desirer starts treating the desired  badly, pushing them away and acting negatively for them. 

Here's an example, think back to when you were in middle school and someone liked you. What did that boy do? He punched you. 

Theory proven. 

Why can't everything be that easy.... or obvious? I find it oddly funny, even ironic, that my life fits into his little theory this well. Who knows, maybe I'll turn to the dark side that is philosophy....  

Monday, February 16, 2009

I sit at the front desk, watching girls filter in and out. 
Some look up and say hello, other's keep walking, preoccupied with their lives. 
They walk in, look up, then walk on, and I keep sitting... 

I try to think about loving people like Christ would want me too, forgiveness, acceptance, apologies, but i'm distracted 
I just watch girls walk in, look up, then walk on. I keep sitting.

I can't decide how to feel. I can't get any homework done, 
I just watch girls walk in, look up, then walk on, and I keep sitting... 

I had a really good talk today with some friends
I had a really bad talk today with some friends
but i can't think about it
I just keep sitting... 

Lyrics from songs, conversations, the day flow in and out waiting for me to take ownership over them before they escape. Almost like that hazy state you are in right after you wake while you try to remember the dream as it slips from your memories... 
I still sit

I need someone to pull me out of my head, but all I have is the steady rhythm of the door opening, closing, opening closing. A most annoying lullaby that lets the minutes slide by. Sounds of people leaving and going, living their lives, all while I sit, waiting.

closing opening
closing, sitting, opening, closing


Monday, February 9, 2009

Random musings from the mind of a epic procrastinator 

1. This is running through my head...
is it the face of a child, is it the thrill of danger, is it the kindness we see in the eyes of a stranger? 
Is it more than faith, is it more than hope, is it waiting for us at the end of our rope? 
I say it is love, I say it is love
Is it the one you call home, is it the holy land, is it standing right here holding your hand?... 
I say it's love

2.) I've decided I am not a big fan of t-shirts. I don't like how they feel. I'm going to stick to my dresses and boots

3.0 I have a new hole in my nose. It is currently occupied by a sparkly stud... :) I think i love it

d.) I have fallen in love with Carey Grant and Grace Kelly. If anyone would like to indulge in this passion with me, please please tell me!

cinco.) I love cars with windshield wipers on their headlights

6) I've decided that other's are not going to decide how I feel about life. They may affect my feelings but when it comes down to it, I am the one who has to make the decision on how I am going to feel for that day

7.1 I am finally happy to be at Jewell. 

g.) I love smiling. It is my new most favorite thing. Maybe I'll have a smile for you

ocho> I am content. It is a good feeling and I am willing to let it continue. In fact, I am going to fight for it. My mind is whole, my heart is in a good place, and I'm ready for what the world is going to throw at me. Walk this journey with me, enjoy some old fashion movies, some ridiculous outfits and a few thousand smiles. I promise it will be new and interesting everyday...