Your fingertips across my skin, The palm trees swaying in the wind, images, you sang me spanish lullabies, The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick
I'm back in a world that measures its success by the percentage one has earned on a test, and the school they have been accepted to. I'm fifteen hours north of my new home, in a land where the leaves change and ice coats the ground in the brisk mornings, and I'm not sure I belong.
My life for the last summer has been one where I've translated everything into spanish and measured success by happiness and relationships rather than grade point average.
I'm back to not thinking about borders or even breakfast tacos for that matter.
I play life by ear. I like it that way, and yet it's hard to explain to people here the fact that I don't really have a job or that I live in a church. Or that I'm not using any science. Or that I like it that way.
I always knew my life would center around other people. I was raised, being taught to put others first and to reach out to those who are marginalized. For the longest time it was going to be through medicine, and then my heart tugged, adventure called and I realized I couldn't plant my feet in one place for that long. Or give up the relationship side of helping others just to learn science terms and prescriptions. So I ran to Texas to see what this whole other side of life was like. The social service side if you will. It's tiring, it's demanding, even exhausting, and yet this is what trills me. This is what makes me roll out of bed in the morning.
One day, maybe I'll decide to go back to science. Maybe I'll find the perfect job that combines my two loves. And my hatred of settling. But until then, i'll wake up, but on my boots, and keep on keeping on.
Goodbye my almost lover, Goodbye my hopeless dream, I'm trying not to think about you, Can't you just let me be?