leavin'

You're the edge I just stepped off of, You're the sunlight through my window pane, You're the road I wanna break down on in the pouring rain

My mind wanders these days. It takes it's trek down the long roads that I have already traveled. The towns I've visited, the people that have become family, the interesting choices i've made, and the things I have seen. 

I'm not sure where I stand on the adventuresome life. Don't get me wrong, I live for adventure, but it isn't the same type of adventure that I longed for a year ago. 

I could still get up and go, without a moment's notice, but this time around I think I would have some regrets. 

There are just some people that would be too hard to leave. 

Maybe if they came with me.... 

'Cause I know I'm not easy to hold but you've reached me, baby, You saved me from me before I was too far gone..... I love you for taking me on 

Sometimes I sit on the toilet so long that my legs fall asleep. Not working on anything, just sitting.

Sometimes I have a really hard time spelling toilet.

And sometimes that's all that life gives ya...

apocalypse

Here's to you free souls, you fight for life chasers, Street climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players, Here's to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms


The rumor around here has been that the apocalypse is coming. May 21st to be exact. Huge billboards have been rented to display billboards urging the town to repent and spend the next days on their knees, because everyone is going to need it! 


Well I guess that seeped into my mind yesterday because when I finally fell asleep, I had wild wild dreams. They probably deserve three wilds, they were that crazy. 


After the third dream that didn't quite make sense, I must have turned a corner. 


Something in my mind switched on. 


The dreams became serious. Eerily serious....It became prophetic. 


My dream opened up with a nice cozy inviting wormhole. I knew this was the apocalypse happening, so with a little help from a torrential tsunami I was ushered through. And you'll never guess what happened. In the art of true reincarnation/apocalyptical style I became a dandruff flake. 


Yes this is how my brain works. I was a flake of dandruff riding around on some guy's head. I didn't have any motor function as was completely at the will of someone scratching, fluffing, or other general hair maintenance motions.  Often I was upside down and sidewise until the walker mercifully shook his head. I hung out there for awhile before hearing the water turn on. And then before I knew it I was being washed down the drain with suds from a Head and Shoulder's bottle.  


If this is prophetic, I better start working on that whole karma thing. 


There's a little bit of all that inside of me and you, Think that even crazy dreams come true, Think that even crazy dreams come true......
Yeah

Doing whatever Kelsey Can...

Is she strong? Listen bud, She's got radioactive blood. Can she swing from a thread, Take a look overhead... 


Today I realized I was officially a scientist.

And then I realized that I could be a superhero. And I just couldn't choose which one to chase after.

At my second day of work, I finally got to go into the lab. It has cooshy no slip padded mats on the floor and eerie yellow lighting, that's good for chemicals, but not so good for my pale pale lab-mate.

We were doing simple solubility testing. A visual test to see if the drug (a really long name that involved Cannabis something something and a lot of numbers and -oxys....) would dissolve into a solution. Except the best part, the superhero part, was that this drug was radioactive.

Crazy.

So since I could only watch and not do, it got me to thinking about all the superhero's out there that became superheroes from radioactivity.  Like spiderman, Radioactiveman (that one's easy),  Hulk, and Captain America. Who I get confused with Captain Planet.

And I'm thinking and thinking, and they are doing and doing, and I'm not watching.

And they turn to ask me a question, but I'm still thinking about Captain Planet... and I answer with "Who would want 'heart' as a superpower?"

And I look up to see my lab mates, holding up two vials looking for chunky proteins and peering at me inquisitively through their safety goggles, wondering what they have gotten themselves into with this new hire...

In the chill of night, At the scene of a crime, Like a streak of light, He arrives just in time. To him, life is a great big bang up, Whenever there's a hang up, You'll find the Spider man....

Dog Days

Happiness, hit her like a train on a track, Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back, She hid around corners and she hid under beds, She killed it with kisses and from it she fled, With every bubble she sank with a drink, And washed it away down the kitchen sink...

I tracked out the two mile trek a couple days ago. It is exactly two miles from my apartment to North Kansas City Highschool, which sits right across a very nice park, complete with slides and swings (my personal favorite. Everything can be solved when swinging).

My feet started their pounding and the hills gave way into glorious decent just as I was about ready to die. So I made it the two miles to the park and found a swing and let my mind go.

I have a job. It took three hours for an offer to come through from a lab in Olathe that focuses on drug metabolism for pharmaceutical companies. It even has health insurance... woah.

I have an apartment. Granted it's still in all sorts of disarray, but it's a place to come home.

I don't have a car. I'm driving my mom's, which is great, but.... it's my mom's. So I get to go searching for a new one because the old Lexus (which I have been telling you all to not judge based on its brand is a piece of junk after all. Who knew?... oh wait... I did)

When the swing was going about as high as it could, I pulled my arms through the chains and jumped right as the swing reached the top of its arch.

My feet landed, and I started the two miles back home. And I just ran...

...Run fast for your mother run fast for your father, Run for your children for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind you, Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

Tomorrow

If today was not an endless highway if tonight was not a crooked trail,if tomorrow wasn't such a long time then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all...

I have an interview tomorrow. I'm a little excited, not nearly as nervous as the last time and ready to tell my story again. This interview is for a lab job. One I'm not super thrilled about, but it is getting more and more appealing as I have less and less to do.

The only downside is that I found the perfect job for me. And when I say perfect, I mean perfect. It's a job that helps churches plant new churches overseas. It would pay and require me to travel, in the US and further. Yes, please! The only downside is that they aren't hiring until June. That's one more month, and I'm kind of going crazy being a bum after only a week.

So the question becomes, do I put all my eggs in one basket and wait for my dream job? Or lie and say I am ready for a career in the science field to get a job that pays?

I guess we'll see tomorrow...

I can't see my reflection in the waters i can't speak the sounds that show no pain, I can't hear the echo of my footsteps or remember the sound of my own name...

New Old adventures

Night has always pushed up day, You must know life to see decay, But I won't rot, I won't rot, Not this mind and not this heart, I won't rot. And I took you by the hand, And we stood tall, And remembered our own land, What we lived for.

This town, for how big it is, can be awfully lonely. It is full of promise and potential, with buildings rising up to meet the sky, and highways carrying people to their destination, and yet, when I'm in the car, by myself I feel the full weight of being in a new city.

Most of it stems from the fact that I spent a fabulous weekend surrounded by new and old loved ones, celebrating and moving and celebrating some more, so when I finally left the last one and was sent on my way. I could catch my breath and realize the enormity of this new major move. I've gone from here to Texas to Wichita and finally full circle back to Kansas City. I left everything in a storage locker and lived a year with clothes and a few essentials. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but opening the storage locker made my days of minimalism hit home. I have a lot of things that make life convenient, but I didn't realize how attached I was to some of them.

My bed. Oh my bed. It is glorious, and all mine. And I don't have to give it up to sleep on the pull out couch! If I could hug it I would. It has been too long old friend, you have served me well.

Horton, my blue plastic elephant. He is a good travel companion but unfortunately is too big to fit in a suitcase.

My dresser. It's my favorite bright Portugal blue, but I actually get to put clothes in it. Quite a novel idea for me!

Each box brings with it a new little surprise, things long forgotten, others that I have spent ages searching for. Each box is a very odd collection of things. I forgot how exhausted I was after graduation. Every time I open a box I think, "what was I on when i packed this box" And then I remember I wasn't sleeping, barely eating and burning the candle at both ends, so I guess it makes sense that there is a box with shampoo, text books, paint, and a pillow case. What type of label do you put on that box?

This is a new adventure, regardless that the destination is one where I've already been. It's different than all the others. I'm not living with people I don't know, I don't have to worry about living out of laundry baskets if I don't want to (and believe me I don't. It's amazing how many pairs of socks I found hiding at the bottom of those things) and I get to be around new people I love.

So here's to new old adventures. One's that hold even more promise than this big city!

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears, And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.