Thursday, March 19, 2009

Lots of Leaving left to do

The word for the week is Leaving or taking or walking out, whichever you prefer. 

1.) My Grandmother's estate was up for auction this past weekend. I didn't know what to expect walking in, but by the time I got there, there were tables and tables of stuff. My Grandma's things were organized in boxes and lined row after row of tables. There were the games that I played with every time we visited, the cement lawn ornament that sat in the front garden for at least twenty years, every piece of furniture, decoration and dish was sitting on a table for someone to paw through and place a value on. It didn't hit me until later that day when I saw things that were important to me walk out the door in someone else's possession. I saw jewelry that my grandmother wore everyday be shoved carelessly into a woman's purse. My Grandfather's army uniform be thrown into the back of a car. Items of great importance be picked up and set back down again because they meant nothing to the visitor. All the possessions that my grandparents spent their entire life collecting are now spread across the country. Each person that walked out that door left with a little piece of my heart. 

2.) After the auction I spent less than 12 hours at the new house before leaving for Louisiana. I stayed long enough to see my puppy and spend some time with my mom before leaving again. A big chunk of my heart was left in Louisiana

3.) I stayed in Louisiana for two full days. Two packed full, too short, days. I got to see everyone I lvoed, all my kids, my Momma T and got to enjoy it with friends from Jewell. While talking to a friend they said that it looked like I had a lot of weight on my shoulders. I wasn't brave enough to tell him that my heart was in pieces 

4.) Today came too soon. I had to leave more of my heart behind. Every mile that took me further and further away from my family took another little piece of my heart. It was kind of like I was leaving a trail of crumbs for someone to come find me... 

So now, though the break isn't over I feel the stress and deadlines coming back. I need time to process, and for someone to collect all the pieces of my heart and tell me they aren't going to be leaving anytime soon. Or I just need to learn how to be better at leaving.

"I don't know why they call them Good-byes because they are hardly ever good..."

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